HELLO? YES, THIS IS DOG.
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
I DON’T APPRECIATE THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE.
SOMEONE SHIT IN THE KITCHEN. THIS IS THE ONLY FACT WE HAVE AT THE MOMENT. LET’S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES AND START POINTING FINGERS.
DO EITHER OF US HAVE ANY ENEMIES? PEOPLE WE MAY HAVE ANGERED? I’M JUST SAYING, I KNOW YOU DO A LOT OF BLOGGING.
I’M SO GLAD WE SPENT $78,000 SENDING YOU TO ART SCHOOL FOR PHOTOGRAPHY, JERRY. YOU’RE REALLY MAKING THAT DECISION SEEM WORTHWHILE.
DON’T WORRY, A LOT OF SHIFT LEADERS AT WENDY’S OFTEN HAVE EXCITING LIBERAL ARTS DEGREES. I’M SURE YOU’LL MAKE FRIENDS.
OH, THEY DIDN’T HAVE ANY BANANAS AT THE STORE? THAT’S A WONDERFUL STORY. THANKS FOR SHARING. I’M GLAD YOU CAME HERE TO TELL ME THAT INSTEAD OF GOING TO ANOTHER STORE.
HEY, GUESS WHAT, THOUGH? I GOT YOU SOMETHING EARLIER. BECAUSE WE’RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.
BOOM. THERE IT IS.
SHOW UP HERE WITHOUT MY ‘NANNERS AGAIN AND YOU’RE GOING HOME IN A BAG. NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I SAY SOMETHING I REGRET.
WOW, ERIN. FANCY MEETING YOU HERE. ROUGH NIGHT, HUH? COME ON, GET UP. THE TEAM-BUILDING SEMINAR IS IN AN HOUR. DON’T WANT TO MISS THAT.
PLEASE STOP TALKING.
PRESCOTT TOLKEIN? IS HE RELATED TO J.R.R. TOLKEIN, FAMOUS FANTASY AUTHOR? WILL HE BE AT THE SEMINAR?
… GO AWAY.
GET KUWAIT? WHERE IS IT? STILL BY IRAQ, I’D ASSUME. WHAT DO YOU WANT IT FOR?
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
WORCESTERSHIRE PROM GOWN? THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE, ERIN. YOU PROBABLY JUST NEED SOME TEAM-BUILDING TO CLEAR THE COBWEBS OUT OF THAT BRAIN OF YOURS.
YOU ARE THE WORST COWORKER I’VE EVER HAD. I MEAN THAT.
I MAY BE THE WELSH CO OWNER OF EDGAR’S HAND, ARMENIA, BUT YOU’RE STILL GOING TO BE LATE. GET UP. LET’S GET YOU SOME COFFEE.
WELL, AFTER MY MOTHER DIED I HAD A REALLY HARD TI-
WHAT? OH, YOU’RE SOMEHOW GOING TO MAKE THAT ABOUT YOU AND THEN TALK FOR ANOTHER TWENTY MINUTES.
NO, BY ALL MEANS PLEASE KEEP GOING. YOUR STORIES ARE SOFASCINATING. THIS IS A WONDERFUL DATE.
WHY CAN’T YOU WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE? SERIOUSLY. IT’S RIDICULOUS.
MAYBE I JUST WANT TO BE CLOSE TO YOU. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
MAYBE YOU HAVE AN INNER EAR DISORDER.
MAYBE I HAVE A SUPER SENSITIVE INNER EAR AND I CAN HEAR YOUR HEART BEATING. FOR ME. BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME.
ARE YOU RETARDED?
YES. FOR YOU.
PLEASE WALK STRAIGHT.
NEVER.
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“—so long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
Alice in Wonderland, Chapter 6
BYE YOU GUYS. DRIVE SAFE. IT WAS REALLY GOOD SEEING YOU.
EVER SINCE THE DIVORCE I’VE JUST BEEN SO LONELY.
YEAH, YOU’RE GONE. I’M JUST GOING TO STOP TALKING NOW.
COME ON, JUST GO TO WORK. SNAP OUT OF IT.
I’M NOT THE FIRST GUY TO GET DUMPED. EVERYONE GETS DUMPED. I’M BEING STUPID. I’M GOING TO LOSE MY JOB STANDING HERE DOING MY BEST JOHN CUSACK IMPRESSION.
… AND THEN SHE’LL TOTALLY TAKE ME BACK, RIGHT? BECAUSE IF I WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER THE FIRST TIME AROUND I’LL BE SUPER ATTRACTIVE WHEN I’M UNEMPLOYED.
OH GOD, COME ON. DON’T CRY AGAIN. DO NOT CRY AGAIN.
… OR JUST TURN ON THE WATERWORKS FOR THE SIXTH TIME TODAY. AWESOME. JUST CRYING IN THE RAIN. NOTHING CLICHÉD ABOUT THAT AT ALL.
